Michele Weiner-Davis (2020) suggests that there are certain predictors of possible marriage failure. One such predictor is feeling out of focus. “I love you…but I am no longer in love with you.” When a partner utters these words, it could mean that he or she no longer feels close to his partner but can’t point to any big or disastrous reason why. Perhaps the spark is simply gone.
This statement usually means that the partner has lost focus on the relationship and has shifted that focus to work, children, or other interests. This can leave one feeling disconnected and wondering if this is as good as it gets and is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?
If this occurs, something to do would be to think back to the beginning of your relationship and what you did with your partner that made you feel like you were the primary focus. What did you do together that made you feel special? Perhaps it was special meals together or long walks where you discussed certain topics. Try doing these things again at least once a week and schedule this time ahead in your calendar and consider it as sacred time, to not be missed.
Most importantly, stop keeping score. This has probably been going on for a long time and it takes time to turn a feeling of lack of closeness to one of feeling important again. Don’t allow your sense of having been hurt or rejected prevent you from doing something meaningful together.
In the next few weeks I will talk about more of these marriage/relationship downers and some fixes.
My office remains closed for now but I am available by phone at 361-442-9590 or by email at holtadams2002@yahoo.com. I hope you are staying safe and healthy during these uncertain times.