How do you change other people’s minds? That is difficult and mainly involves removing the hidden barriers that prevent people from modifying their views. Three of the biggest barriers and how to overcome them…
When pushed, people push back: when you try to persuade people of something, their natural reaction is to push back in an attempt to reassure themselves that they remain in control of their own opinions. Most of the push back from others is the result of the threats that your attempt to convince them poses to their sense of freedom and self control. Rather than try to convince people of what you believe, use strategies that encourage them to convince themselves-people are far more likely to accept ideas tha seem to spring form their own minds. Among the ways to do this… Provide a carefully selected range of choices; for example; you are tired of going to the same Italian restaurant that your spouse always chooses so before the next night out, ask if your spouse would like to try a Mexican eatery or a Thai restaurant or even a different Italian restaurant. Your spouse still retains control over the final decision so there is a good chance that they will not rebel against your decision to try some place new. You can also try warning the person that someone is trying to manipulate him/her. This turns people’s natural push-back tendencies to your advantage. Also ask questions rather than make challenging statements. Don’t tell the person they are wrong-ask a question that encourages him or her to say or think it. Example: Instead of asking a college student “why are you here?” “What is your goal?” ask “how many hours do you think you need to study not just to do well but to land safely in the top 4% if you want to go to graduate school?” Also try calling attention to a gap between what someone is saying and what the person is doing. Quote the person’s own words back to them-people tend to agree with what they themselves have said. For example your significant other dislikes a local company but continues to do business with it anyway because of the low prices. Rather than say that you don’t want to work with the company, you could say, “You know, I think you were right when you said that these folks don’t respect their customers.”
People do tend to stick to the status quo. Basically people DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. They don’t want to put in the work and the time to change their minds. You could try one of the following: Expose the hidden costs for not changing. The costs of change are often more obvious than the costs of keeping things the way they are. For example you may have to work out the time one saves by learning new technology instead of how long it might take to learn the new process. Sometimes you can reframe a change as a return to the way things used to be such as downsizing as being like the life you had before a first child was born. Also preserve treasured moments; search for a way to save positive memories yet still change. Sometimes people resist change even when the way things are is less than ideal because it reminds them of earlier, better times. Search for a way to preserve these positive memories yet still change.
People do balk at extreme change. People usually won’t consider ideas that are vastly different from their own especially not with firmly held beliefs. Seek modest progress and not massive shifts when trying to change minds. Try one small modest change and see it as a stepping stone on a path of greater change.
These are a few examples of working with folks when you are trying to change minds. It is a difficult move and should be considered carefully in terms of how your request is worded. DEMANDS will not work and will only push others away from you.
If I can help in any way, please do not hestitate to call me at 361-442-9590 or email at holtadams2002@yahoo.com. I am available by phone but my office is still currently closed.