Sometimes when your boundaries are violated, you don’t have the time to calmly reflect on what’s going on and use the four step process that I discussed in the previous post. Instead you need the right language and real-time strategies to quickly establish limits and prevent tensions from escalating.
For instance with nosy questions you don’t have to make an explanation or answer every inquiry about your love life, family or finances. Ways to respond… Promise to anwer the question on your terms when you’re ready. Example: A relative asks how serious you are about the new person you’re dating. Your reply: “I’d rather not discuss that right now. When I have news to share, I will let you know.”
Use humor (accompanied by a wink). You gently deflect the question while getting across the message that you are not interested in sharing. Example: A friend asks how big a raise you got at work. Your reply, ” Trust me, not even close to what I’m worth!”
Respond with your own question. This shifts the dynamic instantly, turning the spotlight onto the other person and causing him or her to lose interest in what he just asked. Example: An aquaintance asks your age. Your reply: “Why would you want to know that?” Alternative: Reply with a question on a different subject. Example: A neighbor asks if your son had found a job since he was laid off. Your reply: “Let me put that on hold. I keep meaning to ask you if you are enjoying your new grandchild.”
I will continue this thread that goes into additional boundary violations and suggestions of ways to respond including handling criticism and being asked to do something you do not want to do.
If you think I can help with these and other boundary issues through hypnosis and life coaching, please contact me at 361.442.9590 or holtadams2002@yahoo.com