You may have people in your life who simply refuse to respect your boundaries no matter how patient and skilled you become at setting limits and communicating your needs. They even may be so good at emotional manipulation that you find yourself apologizing to them!
Trying to reason with boundary destroyers is a dead end. Instead…
Cut them off…or at least limit your time with them. If someone is not emotionally trustworthy, you can still love and care about him or her–just less frequently and from further away. Say, “We seem to argue more than we get along. I need a break because it’s not healthy for me to continue this friendship.” Or: “I wish you all the best, but this relationship is really hard on me. I don’t think we should be in contact until the family holiday party next year.”
Important: It may not be possible to distance yourself from some boundary-destroyers–perhaps parents or colleagues. In these situations, adjust your expectations and accept that the relationship will be one-sided and offer the person very limited satisfaction. Conduct yourself in a calculated way to keep relative peace. Don’t share important or emotional issues…and stop trying to defend yourself in conversations or change the other person’s mind. Even boundary destroyers find it hard to argue or manipulate someone who always agrees with them.
If you have boundary issues and need some coaching to help deal with folks who are difficult, please contact me at 361.442.9590 or holtadams2002@yahoo.com. Let’s talk about it and see what we can do.