In a previous post I talked about the origins of low self-esteem which is usually formed in childhood from criticisms of powerful people in one’s life such as parents, teachers, older siblings, and peers. Children internalize their parent’s voices as well so that if a parent is self critical and this is heard by the child, then that criticism is often personalized by the child.
Freedom from self criticism lies in paying close attention to when it talks to you and then acting against it. These five strategies can help you fight back and find a way to take risks. You can reduce the impact that negative self criticism has on your life.
1. Separate the voice from your own thoughts. When you hear this inner critic, tell yourself that this is just your inner critic again. Refuse to give it any weight. Stop running your life based on what you thought as a child.
2. Ask yourself “What do I really think?” Step outside yourself and take a third party look at what is really going on. Use first person “I” sentences when considering your true opinions.
3. Try to identify your inner critic’s triggers. When your inner critic overreacts to a seemingly minor matter, there’s a good chance that it actually is reacting to a similar incident that occurred in you past. It helps to identify the source.
4. Learn self compassion. Harsh self criticism is more likely to convince you that you are not capable of self-improvement than it is to lead to growth. The ability to be kind to yourself even when you are suffering and to be nonjudgmental toward yourself is more likely to lead to self improvement than the scathing inner critic. There are many ways to learn this skill.
5. Ask yourself, “So what’s my next step?” Inner critics often gaze backwards and focus on past mistakes. Focusing on a single, achievable next step can kick start positive momentum and break the cycle of negativity and rumination created by an “error.”
Another good question to ask yourself that can shift focus from the inner critic of the past is ” What would I do differently next time?”
I can help with these strategies and more through life coaching and hypnosis. If you think I can help, please don’t hesitate to call me or email me. I will be happy to answer any questions with no charge.